In memory. November 22, 2016

It was unexpected, his final departure. 

When he finally was granted his rest.

You see, he was the best.
The best at rides on his mower, 

The best tomato grower, 

The best at cast iron corn bread, 

Kisses on heads, 

And (most-of-the-time) at cards.
He was the best at Christmas.

The decorations were extravagant

Yet classy. A nativity was tucked away

Next to brassy candlesticks on his desk.

Mantle decked and carols sang,

His voice always rang out clear…

Until the quiver came.

Always.

Always.

Always when he prayed to tell Jesus thank you.

“Thank You for coming

Thank You for dying

Thank You for giving me another year.”
This former army man didn’t shy away

From tears of gratitude.
At the end of the evening, we would never leave

Without a brown bag filled with fruit and nuts

(And some chocolate, too.)

Always with a reminder that these few things

Were all his family used to get.

“But they were happy,” he’d say.

I didn’t realize that was his way of telling us

Stuff is just stuff.

That Jesus and family…

That was enough.
Jesus and family, in the end, was enough

For this dear sweet man

With a weathered tan and deep wrinkles.

His family sang him through his final sleep,

With hopes that Jordan wouldn’t be so deep

As he crossed it to his Jesus.
My papa, we cried for you.

We watched a flag be folded for you,

And watched our mema cry and receive it.

We listened as guns saluted all the time,

All the ways, you served our country,
But you see, there aren’t enough to rounds

In the whole entire world

That could properly salute how you served us.

How you served King Jesus.
We all know that you wouldn’t want us to be sad.

You, who delighted so much

To touch us with moments of happiness.
But you see, Papa, we listened and learned.
We embrace the tears and the trace they leave

Across our faces.

Across our hearts.
For it was you who, over and over again,

Taught us not to shy away from tears of gratitude.
We are so very thankful you loved us.

It is our gratitude for you that makes our grief

So, so great.
We love you, papa.

We miss you.

We will see you, by and by.

I am not wasting my vote… I’m investing it. October 20, 2016

I will be repeating thousands of other people by reiterating that this election cycle is–pardon my French– stinky poopy.

Both parties have given us deplorables to vote for, for various and non-overlapping reasons. Because I don’t feel either one of them deserves my respect let alone my ballot, I will be voting 3rd party.

And then it comes…

The outcry from both sides, chastising me. Accusing me of wasting my democratic responsibility. Of throwing my vote in the trash. Of voting someone terrible in through my vote of the other. (I’m sorry, but a vote for Trump is not a vote for Hillary, or visa versa. It doesn’t work that way.)

Here’s my take, though.

I’m not throwing away my vote. I’m investing it.

In fact, I might just value my vote higher than you think.

The people who try to get me to vote for their candidate-they-don’t-really-believe-in do so because they believe that their vote a month from now will impact the next four years.

Frankly, I’m not just concerned about the next four years…

I’m worried about the next ten. Twenty. Thirty.

I’m worried about how atrocious our future election cycles will look and what are options will be if we decide to be satisfied with bad people running for president, thereby dulling our consciences by voting the lesser of two evils enough that we are okay with evil chronically inhabiting the Oval.

My point it this: if all the citizens lamenting their options voted third party, something amazing would happen. The person you vote for might not win (truthfully, probably won’t win)… but it could shake the system enough to do two very important things:

1) tell the system that their “best” is not good enough for the American people. The two major parties can’t just have our loyalty because they exist. They get our trust because they actually have to earn it. Imagine that.

2) it encourages better options. With more social issues and variables of beliefs in the role of government than ever before, the black and white of the two party system will have to make way for an emerging “gray.”  There are men and women out there that have amazing ideas for our nation and times, but don’t fit a typical democrat/republican mold. By voting our conscience and 3rd party now, we send a message to emerging, non-traditional leaders: there is room for you on this political platform. There is an audience for your message, and we want and even need to hear it. 

My vote matters, and if I can use it to help a Phoenix rise from the Ashes of this political season to reintroduce character in future election cycles…

I will consider it a vote very well spent.

things I love about 15 months… February 22, 2014

1) her personality. my girl has always had one, but I love seeing it come out in squeals, joy-running, and fist pumps.

2) the discoveries. it seems like everyday she is discovering something new– whether an object or how to do things. The other day she pulled a large toy over to the piano bench and was able to get up there all by herself. (I know I’m in trouble…) but when she accomplished this task, she laughed in victory. It was so cute.

3) the affection. She loves to wiggle right next to me on the couch… Sit on my lap on the floor… Move my arm close to her so she can slip her tiny hand in mine. Oh, and the random kisses out of no where! I’ll take those until she 73 years old, thank you!

4) the communication. The new words, and signs, and animal sounds, and mimicked sayings…

5) peek-a-boo. With everything. Anywhere. At any time.

6) playing telephone. With everything. Anywhere. At any time.

7) singing & dancing. With everything. Anywhere. At any time (music is playing).

This sounds horrible, but when Ellise was first born people kept saying, “you can’t imagine you life without her now, can you?” but to be honest? I could. not that it ever would want to again, of course– I loved my little newborn with all of my momma heart. but I could imagine full nights of sleep, and my life without several hours of pumping, and showers where I didn’t turn off the water because I was imagining my few week old screaming.

What’s funny is that I miss her newbornness. I watch little videos of those times and see her squirms and baby sounds, and I feel that bittersweet nostalgia (that is motherhood)… I miss her 6 monthness and 1 yearness, too.

But there is a difference between my life now, and my life with a brand new girlie.

If someone where to say to me now, “I bet you can’t imagine your life without her,” the answer would most definitely be,

“No. No I couldn’t.”

(The only thing I can imagine now is going to the bathroom by myself…;) )

moving . . . September 26, 2008

no, this isn’t a post about how i finally found a house and am getting permanently situated.

I WISH.

instead, this is the final post here at this wordpress blog (probably permanently.  we’ll see . . . ).  however, this site has been successfully exported to my new domain name, seeminglyrandom.com.  i’ll continue my blogging there.  🙂

so, update your blog roll sand your bookmarks.  it’s not a huge change . . . but i’m hoping the new domain will prove more accessible to some while letting me have a few more blogging perks.  🙂

reclaiming culture . . . September 21, 2008

this weekend, i had the opportunity to see what Christians can do when they decide to set aside misconceptions about culture. instead of running from it, they decide to seize it and — they create a powerful message that exalts Christ.  this message accomplishes two wonderful purposes: 1) it encourages and strengthens the Body and 2) it gives a way for those not in the Body to question who Christ is, what He has done, and who they can become in Him.

i cannot help but  look at my church and  look at where i work and wonder: why not us?  why can’t we get involved in reclaiming this aspect of culture?  why do we let those who have sucked truth from their messages have the megaphone in the media while we, those with the best Story of all, sit silently by?

i’m not saying to throw caution to the wind, but perhaps now’s the time to re-evaluate our actions (or lack thereof).  we have the Message.  we have the means.  maybe it’s time to get off of the sidelines and throw our hat in the ring.

i’m not sure if this is just a passing fancy with me, or maybe the beginning of something bigger: a burden, perhaps.  a stirring that maybe this is where i can make a difference.  that this is how God wants to use the gifts He’s given me.  i don’t know right now.  i guess time will tell.

but i do know one thing:

i’m a storyteller.

i’m not afraid to tell my story.

the question is, when?  and where? and how?

9.18.08: quotation of the day September 18, 2008

“on the one hand we must never imagine that our own unaided efforts can be relied on to carry us even through the next 24 hours as ‘decent’ people.  if He does not support us, not one of us is safe from some gross sin. on the other hand, no possible degree of holiness or heroism which has ever been recorded of the greatest saints is beyond what He is determined to produce in every one of us in the end.  the job will not be completed in this life; but He means to get us as far as possible before death.

“that is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time.  when a man turns to Christ and seems to be getting on pretty well (in the sense that some of his bad habits are now corrected) he often feels that it would now be natural if things went fairly smoothly.  when troubles come along– illnesses, money troubles, new kinds of temptation– he is disappointed.  these things, he feels, might have been necessary to rouse him and make him repent in his bad old days; but why now?  because God is forcing him on, or up, to a higher level: putting him into situations where he will have to be very much braver, or more patient, or more loving, than he ever dreamed of being before.

“it seems to us all unnecessary: but that is because we have not yet had the slightest notion of the tremendous thing He means to make of us.”

c.s. lewis (from mere christianity)

9.01.08: quotation of the day September 1, 2008

“until the day when God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words – wait and hope.”

-alexandre dumas

a reminder of my God of Providence . . . August 31, 2008

listened to a sermon last night as i was trying to go to sleep. the sermon, called “but God . . . when you’re feeling in the dark” was not just momentarily appropriate– as i was laying on my bed in an utterly black room– but metaphorically appropriate as well.

it was one of those gigantic hit-the-nail-on-the-head sermons. those odd ones where you wonder if the preacher somehow read a secret biography of your life and manufactured an appropriate outline dealing with your thoughts and where you are. but considering that this pastor doesn’t even know me, and the sermon was originally preached several months ago–before i had the thoughts, or circumstancially arrived in my life where i am– i know it’s more than happenstance or human manipulation.

it’s God, taking care of me. reminding me of truths about Himself.

the sermon mentions that sometimes we wish God would work “bigger” for us like He did in the Testaments . . . or like He chooses to work in other people’s lives. i don’t know about you, but i relate to that. sometimes i do feel like it would take a miracle for me to sense God’s hand in my life right now . . . or a big neon sign to know He’s working . . .

but even when there’s seeming silence on God’s end; when i find myself without my miracle or restlessly placard-less, He is there . . . providing a loving lock on my life.

okay . . . so sometimes, i can’t see this lock; but it is never because it isn’t there.

it’s just because, right now, at this moment, i happen to be in the dark.

listen to the sermon yourself. good stuff . . . http://www.graceky.org/sermons/20080413.mp3

_______________

“behold, i go forward, but He is not there, and backward, but i do not perceive Him; on the left hand when He is working, i do not behold Him; He turns to the right hand, but i do not see Him.

but God, He knows the way that i take; when He has tried me, i shall come out as gold.

my foot has held fast to his steps; i have kept His word and have not turned aside. i have not departed from the commandment of His lips; i have treasured the words of His mouth more than my portion of food.

but He is unchangeable, and who can turn Him back? what He desires, that He does. for He will complete what He appoints for me, and many such things are in His mind.

therefore, i am terrified at His presence; when i consider, i am in dread of Him.

God has made my heart faint; the Almighty has terrified me;

yet i am not silenced because of the darkness, nor because thick darkness covers my face.” job 23:8-17

new management . . . ? August 7, 2008

tonight i ran into wal-mart to grab a couple of things. as i was meandering in the back of the store, i overheard an official wal-mart associate meeting being held next to the bathroom. about a dozen people flocked together in the blue vests, listening to a man practically dancing in the middle of them.

“sales were up!” he screamed.

the vested ones clapped half-heartedly.

“let’s continue to do our best!” he cheered.

more sporadic claps.

“let’s close our meeting with our new cheer!” he called.

the gray-haired vested woman nearest to me moaned.

“give me a W!” he demanded, sounding like an over-eager contestant on wheel of fortune.

they give him the consonant . . . weakly.

“i can’t hear you!”

“W!”

they proceed to spell the entire store’s name, which took about 4 tries, due to the manager’s inability to hear his employees.

“and that spells . . . ”

“wal-mart.”

“that’s right! and who’s wal-mart is this?”

silence.

“who’s wal-mart is this?” he asked again, prodding a little more with his voice.

still no response.

“it’s your wal-mart!”

“it’s our wal-mart.”

the vested ones dispersed, their yellow smiley-face buttons clinking.

“we’ll keep working on that!” the man called after them.

one worker passed me at that point. she was rolling her eyes.

the man grabbed his clipboard from off of the lay-away counter, marking something off of a list as he passed by. i heard him attempt to encourage himself as he whispered under his breath,

“well, that was better than last week!”

i grabbed my item off the shelf, smirking, wishing that i had been there a week earlier.

the grey-haired vested one rung me up. as i swiped my card, i looked at her and said, “give me a w.”

she laughed, handed me my receipt, and said,

“if that man don’t stop himself, we all gonna give him a w.”

🙂

more thoughts July 25, 2008

more thoughts by more people that say it better than i ever could.

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the best prayers have often more groans than words.

john bunyan

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we do not choose suffering simply because we are told to, but because the One who tells us to describes it as the path to everlasting joy.

john piper

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suffering passes, but the fact of having suffered never leaves us.

leon bloy

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joy in affliction is rooted in the hope of resurrection, but our experience of suffering also deepens the root of that hope.

john piper

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it requires more courage to suffer than to die.

napoleon bonaparte

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i do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. if suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. to suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable.

joseph addison

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this is God’s universal purpose for all Christian suffering: more contentment in God and less satisfaction in the world.

john piper

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God knows our situation; He will not judge us as if we had no difficulties to overcome. what matters is the sincerity and perseverance of our will to overcome them.

c.s. lewis

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it is not a question of God allowing or not allowing things to happen. it is part of living. some things we do to ourselves, other things we do to each other. our Father knows about every bird which falls to the ground, but He does not always prevent it from falling. what are we to learn from this? that our response to what happens is more important than what happens. here is a mystery: one man’s experience drives him to curse God, while another man’s identical experience drives him to bless God. your response to what happens is more important than what happens.

chip brogden

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we all know people who have been made much meaner and more irritable and more intolerable to live with by suffering: it is not right to say that all suffering perfects. It only perfects one type of person . . . the one who accepts the call of God in Christ Jesus.

oswald chambers

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suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. i have been bent and broken, but – i hope – into a better shape.

charles dickens

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far too often, however, we resent and resist any interference on God’s part that might deprive us of our deepest desires. many Christians who sing, ‘it is well with my soul,’ are lying. it is not well with their souls because they are not persevering, and they have no intention of doing so, because they are bitter and hostile toward God and mourn over their ‘victimization’ at His hands. others are little better, for they ‘persevere’ with a cold, stony, stoic demeanor that constantly reminds God how much they are doing for Him despite His lack of reciprocity.

jim owen

(wow)

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grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys.

alphonse de lamartine

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as cold as everything looks in winter, the sun has not forsaken us. He has only drawn away for a little, for good reasons, one of which is that we may learn that we cannot do without him.

george macdonald

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the will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. it may seem to be much worse, but in the end it’s going to be a lot better and a lot bigger.

elisabeth elliot

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pain is never permanent.

teresa of avila