tonight, my family and i went out to eat for dinner. we sat in our regular booth and the waiter brought us our drinks . . . (we’ve been there so often, he didn’t even have to ask what we wanted).
they had new menus, so we scanned the updated food choices.
it was then that i noticed the “special fajitas”. . .
SPECIAL FAJITAS: bee, chicken, and shrimp served with onions, peppers, etc.
dad wanted to know how they kept them in the pan long enough to cook them . . . 
upon waking up this morning, i decided to emerge out of my room. yes, i had to decide to go out of my room. i actually hesitated slightly before turning the knob. why, you might ask?
because i have a sibling–not just an ordinary sibling, mind you.
a girl.
in jr. high.
a deep sigh escaped me as i pushed open the door from my dear space of solitude to <<enter dramatic music here>> . . . the rest of the house.
upon making it to the living room, she spots me. melissa. she arranges herself innocently on the couch. a gleam in her eye. a smile on her lips.
“good morning, steph! my dearest, sweetest sister!”
never, ever, EVER a good sign.
i mumble here about being her only sister.
“so, stephanie, what are you going to do today? shopping?! do you want to go shopping?!”
interpretation: will you take me shopping?
“you never go shopping anymore.”
interpretation: you never take me shopping anymore.
“please?! you’ll have so much fun!”
interpretation: i’ll have so much fun doing whatever i want while you chase me around the store, eventually losing me around aisle eleven and eventually having to page me over the intercom after 12.75 hours when you finally lose your patience and then, of course, i will be mad at you for embarrassing me in public and, as a punishment, i will not talk to you for 7.89 minutes, until i forget and start telling you about all the purchases i made that i found on the dollar aisle in target. fun! fun! fun!
so i say, “i don’t know, we’ll see.”
“OH GOOD! i’ll get in the shower.”
that would at least buy me 3.14 hours of time–normally. however, she pops out on the blink of an eye, throws on some clothes, grabs her teenie-bopper purse, and starts hovering in the living room. i’m still sitting on the loveseat.
in my pajamas.
“steph, i bet you are hungry. you should fix you some of your special ravioli before we go.”
interpretation: i am hungry. fix me some ravioli before you take me shopping.
then pipes up my mom, “stephanie, fix your sister some ravioli. she’s misses you when you aren’t home.”
i feel used.
so, after fixing my “special ravioli,” (patent pending) i decide to check my email. she looks at me, listening to the soft, methodical rhythm of my typing, and asks,
“are you getting in the shower soon?”
i’m actually questioning the interpretation of this one. i’ve narrowed it down to potentially two options:
1) now that i am fed, i am completely ready to go. i want to go now. take me now so we can begin “the fun.”
2) i want to check my email on your computer, and if you are in the shower, i can use it. so hurry and get in.
oh dear. she just realized that i’m writing about her. she wants to know what i’m saying. she wants to know if i am using her name. she wants to know if i will hurry so she can see if her friend, luke taylor, has emailed her. (that answers the interpretation question above–option 2.)
she says that i must use a fake name, so people won’t know who i’m talking about.
okay, fine. in this post, wherever it says melissa, please substitute the name “ashley.” 
is there a double standard?
if so, why is it there and what is it based on?
_________________________________________________________________
NBC Draws Protests From Conservatives
LOS ANGELES, Sept. 22 — NBC has drawn protests this week from religious conservatives over the content of two television shows, but for different reasons — in one instance for excluding references to God and in the other for possibly including religious imagery.
The disputes, over the network’s proposed broadcast of a Madonna concert that includes a crucifixion scene and over its cutting religious references from the animated children’s show “VeggieTales,” have some critics charging that NBC maintains a double standard toward Christianity.Alan Wurtzel, an NBC executive who oversees broadcast standards, said in an interview on Friday that there was no double standard. Rather, he said, the network was evaluating each show individually.
In the case of “VeggieTales,” which its creators have said “isn’t a show about values, it’s a show about God,” Mr. Wurtzel said he felt the network was being unfairly punished.
“We frequently get criticized for putting on programming that does not deal with traditional values or religious themes,” he said. “Here is a show that clearly does that, and the criticism is that we didn’t go far enough.”
“VeggieTales,” which NBC added to its Saturday morning line-up this month, was originally created for home video, and episodes of the video series routinely contain religious themes, Bible verses and statements about God’s love and purpose.
NBC secured the rights to the show as part of a children’s programming partnership called Qubo, which it formed earlier this year with Classic Media, the owner of the VeggieTales franchise; Scholastic, the children’s publisher; Ion Media Networks; and Corus Entertainment. When the deal was announced in August, the partners said the “VeggieTales” episodes would be edited to NBC programming guidelines.
Since the show went on the air, however, Phil Vischer, the co-creator of “VeggieTales,” has complained on his Internet site (www.philvischer.com) that NBC has ordered most if not all of the references to God and the Bible to be excised from the episodes prepared for NBC.
“I’m not at all happy with the edits,” Mr. Vischer wrote. “I didn’t know I’d need to make them when I agreed to produce the show, and I considered dropping out when I found out just how much would need to be removed.”
Mr. Vischer added that he had decided not to withdraw from the project “as a favor” to Classic Media.
A spokesman for the show’s parent, however, said the company would rather have an edited version on the air than nothing. Bob Smith, a spokesman for Big Idea, the unit of Classic Media that produces VeggieTales, said that despite the edits, “the thread and values we’re trying to get across is unmistakable.”
“If it weren’t,” he added, “we never would have agreed to it.”
Mr. Wurtzel said NBC did not believe it had deleted the show’s religious message; he said the network had bought the rights to “Veggie Tales” because of its positive religious themes but that it did ask for changes to comply with its standards.
“We are not a religious broadcaster,” he said. “There are universally accepted religious values that we do think are appropriate,” but the promotion of “any particular religion or a particular denomination” is not allowed.
“Clearly the show has religious themes,” Mr. Wurtzel said. “It puts forth some very specific religious values. We had to make a decision about where it went further than we considered appropriate.”
Fans of “VeggieTales” have objected that the edited versions make the message unrecognizable, and L. Brent Bozell, president of the Parents Television Council, wrote letters to NBC executives complaining about both the “VeggieTales” decision and another issue, a Madonna concert scheduled to be broadcast in November.
Kevin Reilly, president of NBC Entertainment, announced this summer that the network would broadcast a taped concert by Madonna during the November ratings sweeps period. At the time, he said the concert would be edited to exclude offensive material. But Mr. Reilly was also quoted in August as saying that the network had no problem with a part of the performance in which Madonna sings while mounted on a cross, in imitation of the Crucifixion of Jesus.
That part of Madonna’s current concert tour has drawn protests around the world from people who believe it is blasphemous or offensive to Christians. This week, after receiving letters of protest about the concert and its intentions, NBC said it had not yet decided whether to include the crucifixion scene.
A spokeswoman for Madonna, however, said Friday that the singer considered the scene crucial to the performance and could withdraw the right for NBC to televise the concert if the scene were cut.
Liz Rosenberg, a publicist at Warner Brothers Records who serves as a spokeswoman for Madonna, said in an e-mail message: “Madonna would not want this number to be censored. It is an important aspect of the show.” She said she could not immediately reach Madonna to ask if she would pull out of the concert if NBC cut the song, “but my educated guess is that she will not back down.”
Madonna also issued a statement on Thursday saying that the performance was “neither anti-Christian, sacrilegious or blasphemous.”
“Rather,” it went on to say, “it is my plea to the audience to encourage mankind to help one another and see the world as a unified whole. I believe in my heart that if Jesus were alive today, he would be doing the same thing.”
this is a post from ben’s blog (for those of you unfamiliar with the clan, ben is my cousin rachel’s husband). this little episode happened at a recent family gathering; i was “the informant” (i.e. “one of the older cousins”).
kids are so funny . . . reminds me of my days at the daycare (when i wasn’t the one required to take the naps . . .).
* * * * *
Tonight Rachel and I had an incredible teachable moment with Annabelle. It all started with a conversation she was having with the older cousins. When asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, Annabelle in all innocence said, “a French Fry Maker”.
The response was so innocent and surprising that it caught some of the others off guard and they began to laugh. Not in a hurtful way mind you. But Annabelle saw the laughter and her heart sank. The first Rachel heard of this was when Annabelle came up and sat on her lap crying; though she was too embarrassed to say why. It wasn’t until later that Rachel heard the context from one of the older cousins. The sweetness of that moment warmed Rachel’s heart as she told me on the way home.
So it was when I was washing the ice cream churn and crock pot that Annabelle bounced in and asked a quick bedtime related question. I answered and called her back when she started to dart up to bed. She sat on my lap at the kitchen table and I said, “Annabelle, tonight I heard that you had a big girl conversation with the cousins about what you wanted to be when you grew up.”
Her face fell. And she swallowed.
“You know some people laugh at what daddy does for work but that shouldn’t make me sad because I work for Jesus. No matter what we do in life our commitment to Jesus must be first and must guide how we work. So, Annabelle, if you want to serve Jesus as a French Fry Maker I couldn’t be any happier.”
She smiled real big and said, “and I could give them their ice cream at the window”.
It was in that moment that I noticed my heart had melted out of my big toe into a puddle on the kitchen floor and I said, “helping people get food is a very honorable thing to do”.
We exchanged “I love yous”. She skipped up to bed. And I couldn’t help but pray thanks to God for such a wonderful moment with my daughter. What a joy it is to serve the Almighty in the smallest of ways.
Today’s Topic for Guys is: Communicating with Women.
If there’s one thing that women find unsatisfactory about guys—and I base this conclusion on an extensive scientific study of the pile of Cosmopolitan magazines where I get my hair cut—it is that guys do not communicate enough.
This problem has arisen in my own personal relationship with my wife, Beth. I’ll be reading the newspaper and the phone will ring; I’ll answer it, listen for 10 minutes, hang up, and resume reading. Finally Beth will say: “Who was that?” And I’ll say, “Phil Wonkerman’s mom.” Phil is an old friend we haven’t heard from in 17 years. And Beth will say, “Well?” And I’ll say, “Well what?” And Beth will say, “What did she SAY?”
And I’ll say, “She said Phil is fine,” making it clear by my tone of voice that, although I do not wish to be rude, I AM trying to read the newspaper here, and I happen to be right in the middle of an important panel of “Calvin and Hobbes.”
But Beth, ignoring this, will say, “That’s all she said?”
And she will not let up. She will continue to ask district attorney-style questions, forcing me to recount the conversation until she’s satisfied that she has the entire story, which is that Phil just got out of prison after serving a sentence for a murder he committed when he became a drug addict because of the guilt he felt when his wife died in a freak submarine accident . . . but now he’s all straightened out and has a good job as a trapeze artist . . . and just became happily engaged to marry a prominent member of New Kids on the Block, so in other words he is fine, which is EXACTLY what I told Beth in the first place, but is that enough? No. She wants to hear every single detail.
We have some good friends, Buzz and Libby, whom we see about twice a year. When we get together, Beth and Libby always wind up in a conversation, lasting several days, during which they discuss virtually every significant event that has occurred in their lives and the lives of those they care about, sharing their innermost feelings, analyzing and probing, inevitably coming to a deeper understanding of each other, and a strengthening of a cherished friendship. Whereas Buzz and I watch the playoffs.
This is not to say Buzz and I don’t share our feelings. Sometimes we get quite emotional. “That’s not a FOUL??” one of us will say.
Or: “YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT’S NOT A FOUL???”
I don’t mean to suggest that all we talk about is sports. We also discuss, openly and without shame, what kind of pizza we need to order. We have a fine time together, but we don’t have heavy conversations, and sometimes, after the visit is over, I’m surprised to learn—from Beth, who learned it from Libby—that there has recently been some new wrinkle in Buzz’s life, such as that he now has an artificial leg.
(For the record, Buzz does NOT have an artificial leg. At least he didn’t mention anything about it to me.)
I have another good friend, Gene, who’s going through major developments in his life. Our families recently spent a weekend together, during which Gene and I talked a lot and enjoyed each other’s company immensely. In that entire time, the most intimate personal statement he made to me is that he has reached level 24 of a video game called Arkanoid. He has even seen the Evil Presence, although he refused to tell me what it looks like. We’re very close, but there is a limit.
I know what some of you are saying. You’re saying my friends and I are Neanderthals, and a lot of guys are different. This is true. A lot of guys don’t use words at all. They communicate entirely by nonverbal methods, such as sharing bait.
But my point, guys, is that you must communicate on a deeper level with a woman, particularly if you are married to her. Open up. Don’t assume that she knows what you’re thinking. This will be difficult for guys at first, so it would help if you women would try to “read between the lines” in determining what the guy is trying to communicate: GUY STATEMENT: “Do we have any peanut butter?” INNER GUY MEANING: “I hate my job.” GUY STATEMENT: “Is this all we have? Crunchy?” INNER GUY MEANING: “I’m not sure I want to stay married.”
If both genders work together, you can have a happier, healthier relationship, but the responsibility rests with you guys, who must sincerely … Hey, guys, I’m TALKING to you here. Put down the sports section, OK? HEY! GUYS!
traditionalists are pessimists about the future and optimists about the past.
in case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
(obvious debate rule . . .)
the older we get, the fewer things seem worth the wait in line.
when you finally meet the perfect woman she will be waiting for the perfect man.
